An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
