I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
