I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
