Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
