when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
