that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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