Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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