There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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