I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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