My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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