Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
