fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
