i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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