theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
