I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
