The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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