Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
