you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
