I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
