What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
