I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My life is pants optional.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
