i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude i'm inner monologue high
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
