watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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