I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
