Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
