happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
