am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
