im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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