I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
