Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
