They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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