Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
