I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
