He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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