Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
