Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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