I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Shame is for Republicans.
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