I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
