I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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