Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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