woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
