I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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