My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
