my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
