don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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