Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
