is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
