No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
