If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
