So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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